she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
