My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
