When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
