just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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