Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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