I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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