he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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