I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
