I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
