I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
