Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
