God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize