I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
