Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
