I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
