Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
vagina is talking i cant
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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