what day is it and did you see me today?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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