they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pants are for mortals
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