i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
