bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
