So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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