I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
