Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.