Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
