I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my vag is so smooth its legendary
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
