the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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