I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
