I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
