Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
