You can't motorboat a personality
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
