I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
