i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
