And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I forget how to act sober
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
