Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
