why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
