Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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