dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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