Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I puked a lego.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
