I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
