so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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