so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize