If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
