I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
