I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
