Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
