...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
