im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
