I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
