I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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