She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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