goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alive.
So much puke
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
