My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sarcasm needs its own font
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
