Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
