if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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